SimplyComplexJen

1. Your wife tries to introduce you to your three children and you reply "Three?"

2. You spend more time in the drug section than the food section of the local market.

3. You wonder why they don't make all running socks a dusty brown color.

4. You have more dirt on your shoes than in your garden.

5. You think that flagel and ibutrophin belong on the breakfast table.

6. You get more phone calls at 5:00 AM than at 5:00 PM.

7. You don't recognize your friends with their clothes on.

8. You have more buckles than belts.

9. You postpone your wedding because it will interfere with your training.

10. You keep mistaking your boss for Norm Klein.

11. 6am is sleeping in.

12. Your feet look better without toenails.

13. Your idea of a fun date is a 30-mile training run.

14. You're tempted to look for a bush when there's a long line for the public restroom.

15. You don't think twice about eating food you've picked up off the floor.

16. You can expound on the virtues of eating salt.

17. You develop an unnatural fear of mountain lions.

18. When you wake up without the alarm at 4AM, pop outa bed and think "lets hit the trails together".

19. When you can recite the protein grams by heart of each energy bar.

20. You don’t even LOOK for the porto-sans anymore.

21. Your ideal way to celebrate your birthday is to run at least your age in miles with some fellow crazies.

22. Your ideal way to celebrate the new year is to run as far as you can afford to with some fellow crazies.

23. Your ideal way to have fun is to run as far as you can afford to with some fellow crazies.

24. You know the location of every 7-11, public restroom, and water fountain within a 25-mile radius of your house.

25. You run marathons for speedwork.

26. You have more fanny packs and water bottles and flashlights than Imelda Marcos has shoes.

27. You visit a national park with your family and notice a thirty-mile trail connecting where you are with the place your family wants to visit next, which is a 100-mile drive away, and you think "Hmmmm".

28. Someone asks you how long your training run is going to be and you answer "seven or eight ... hours".

29. People at work think you're in a whole lot better shape than you think you are.

30. You actually are in a whole lot better shape than you think you are.

31. Your weekend runs are limited by how much time you have, not by how far you can run.

32. You always have at least one black toenail.

33. You buy economy-sized jars of Vaseline on a regular basis.

34. You tried hashing, but felt the trails were too short and easy.

35. You think of pavement as a necessary evil that connects trails.

36. You’re read this and relating to some of it.

37. You rotate your running shoes more often than you rotate your tires.

38. Your friends recognize you better dressed in shorts than in long pants.

39. You really envied Tom Hanks' long run as Forest Gump.

40. You carry money around in a ziplock bag because store clerks complained that your money's usually too sweaty.

41. Any time a plain old runner talks about her aches and pains, you can sympathize because you've already had that at least once.

42. You put more miles on your feet than on your rental car over the weekend.

43. You don't need to paint your toenails; they're already different colors.

44. You start planning the family vacation around races and vice-versa.

45. You say "Only a 100K to go."

46. When you start considering your next vacation on the merits of its ultras

47. You spend you entire paycheck on running gear, ultrabars, and entry fees.

48. You become a quasi-expert on different detergents so as to not "hurt" your tee shirts.

49. You leave work early to hit the trails

50. You wear t-shirts based on if you've had good work outs when you've worn them before.

51. Have a trail shoe collection that would make Imelda Marcos envious.

52. Running trail is better then sex(even if you don't get any).

53. You walk up the stairs and run down them.

54. Peeing in the toilet seems unreal.

55. You start wearing running clothes to work so that you're all prepared.

56. Vasoline isn't just for fun anymore.

57. You know you're an ultrarunner when the start of a marathon feels like a 5K and you're wondering "Why is everyone in such a rush? Where the ##@@**!! is the fire?"

58. You're an ultrarunner (and this is an absolute requirement, which I feel should be included in all race entry forms) if as an infant you were dropped on your head.

59. You're an ultrarunner if nobody recognizes your power T's. Met a guy at the market the other day who was wearing an American River 50 T. So was I. I gave him a hearty, "Ta-da." He said, "Oh yeah, I tell people we were all aquitted and the charges were dropped."

60. You know you're an ultrarunner when you sign up for a 10K and you strap on your fanny pack because you never know where the aid stations are. You bring your own drinks. You bring potatoes and salt. You start fast and a six year old passes you. You are the only one walking the up hills. You run it a second time because its not far enough to call a training run. You are the only one around who is eyeing the bushes THAT way. You punch the lap button on your watch instead of the stop button at the finish.

61. When "NEXT GAS 36 MILES" signs start sounding like tempting runs.

62. Your pedicure kit includes a pair of pliers.

63. The number of toes and toenails you have is not equal.

64. You drink from a water bottle at the dinner table.

65. You consider the mold and mildew in your bottles extra electrolytes.

66. You just found out Poison and Oak are words by themselves.

67. You see a 1 quart water bottle colored like an Advil bottle, and don't realize that it's not in fact an Advil bottle.

68. You know you're married to an ultrarunner when Valentine's gifts come from Ultrafit.

69. You know you're married to an ultrarunner when she helps you up and says, "Come on, suck it up, keep moving!" and you know she means it in love.

70. You know you're an ultrarunner when a prospective employer asks for a photograph and all you have is race photos.

71. You know you're an ultrarunner when the races you enter end in a different area code and pass through several different Zip codes enroute.

72. You know you're an ultrarunner when your crew tries to keep you motivated by saying, "You're in second place and only 6 hours behind”.

73. You know you're an ultrarunner when you go to your 8:00 a.m. college geology class and you can use the salt crystals, still caked on your glasses frames from your early morning run, in your talk on the category of sedimentary materials called evaporates.

74. You know you're an ultrarunner when, on the night of a bad thunderstorm and downpour, you ring for a cab, and your announcement that this is the *first time* you're not getting home under your own steam causes a stunned silence in the office.

75. You know your an ultrarunner when you actually sit down and read all of the postings about, "You know your an ultrarunner when..." and can laugh and relate to all of the comments.

76. You know you're an ultrarunner when you don't finish on the same day as the winner.

77. You know you're an ultrarunner when people praise you to the high heavens for being able to finish a marathon, and you feel insulted.

78. You know you're an ultrarunner after you post your third ULTRA message about relative 100 miler difficulty.

79. You know you're an ultrarunner when our dogs can drink out of water bottles.

80. You know you're an ultrarunner when you meet the opposite sex you see a possible crew, a possible pacer, a possible search and rescue team, a possible race director, a possible source of race entry fees.

81. You know you're an ultra runner when you can really identify with those scenes at night in the woods in The Blair Witch Project.

82. I knew I was an Ultranrunner when my wife asked me the morning after my first 50 miler if I was still planning on that 100K in five weeks, I smiled and said "Sure!"

83. If so many places on your body hurt you can't figure out which one hurts more, so you ignore them all and do another 50K, and then you feel better!

84. You strap on your water bottles and walk the hills . . . . . . in a 5K race and consider that your 10 minute pace is a blistering pace.

85. You know you're an ultrarunner when you do a triathlon and it is your RUN time that is slower than the years when you specialized in triathlon.

86. You are told *not* to run another marathon during the next few months (because that would be bad for your health), and you really follow that advice - by immediately sending off the entry form for your next 50/100 miler.

87. You know you are an ultrarunner when somebody asks about the distance of an upcoming race and you, without thinking, say, "Oh, it's just a 50K." ...forgetting that for most people, a 5K is a heck of an accomplishment.

88. When running a marathon and at mile 20 say to yourself, "Wow, only 6 more miles left, this is such a great training run!" NB: saying it aloud can make one seem arrogant, beware!

89. Everything in your life, everything, is organized in different sized zip-loc bags.

90. You know you are an ultrarunner when you go for an easy 2 hour run in the middle of a Hurricane and think it is fun to get wet, muddy and run through the rivers that were once trails.

91. You know you are an ultrarunner when you get to the 81 mile point of a 100 miler and say to yourself, "Wow, only 19 miles left!"

92. You know you're an ultra runner when no one believes you when you say "never again".

93. You try to tie double knots in your Oxfords.

94. You pass a swamp towards the end of a run and think 'How bad could it be?"

95. You know you're an ultrarunner if your wife/girlfriend/significant other asks you if you want to have sex on any particular night and you respond with: "sorry, I don't have time, I have to go running" or "sorry, I'm too tired, I just went running" or "sorry, I would rather go read all my messages from the ultra-list"

96. You're embarrassed that you've only done 50K's.

97. When livestock salt blocks look good after a run.

98. You refer to certain 100 mile races as "low-key."

99. You number your running shoes to distinguish old from new, since they all look dirty.

100. Prior to running a difficult race, you check to see if local hospitals and urgent care centers are in your PPO.

101. The only time major household projects get done is in a taper or race recovery.

102. You know you are an ultra parent if; Your 6 year old knows the difference between a 100k and 100 miler. Whenever you announce an exciting family vacation, the first question is "Where is the race?"

103. You know you are an ultraWOMAN if... You have more fanny packs than purses. You have the complete collection of every "long lasting" lip color ever made. You have a walk-in closet dedicated to running apparel. You have a permanent combination scar/tan in the outline of a jogbra.

104. You know you're an ultrarunner when you need to ask for a ride from a friend because you drive a stick shift.

105. You call a 50-mile race "just another training run".

106. You think a 100-mile race is easier than a 50 miler because you don't have to go out as fast.

107. You say, "Taper? Who's got time to taper? I have a race coming up this weekend."

108. You have to rent a car to drive to a major event because you and your pacer own stick shits and neither will be able to drive them on the return trip.

109. You're tapering/recovering, and you'd rather drive 50 miles to watch Ann Trason's heavenly running style for 20 seconds than the Super Bowl.

110. You use your local 5 and 10km's for "speed work."

111. On a long drive you see the road signs listing various mileages to different places and think of how long it would take to get there on foot rather than by the car your driving.

112. You've started a race in the dark, run all day, and finished in the dark (if you’re lucky).

113. Your non-Ultrarunning running friends look at you strange when you tell them that 10:00/Mile is a fast pace for a 100 mile race (not to mention most ultras).

114. You don't hesitate to lie down in the trail (anywhere) when you are falling asleep on your feet during the early morning hours on the second day of a 100 miler; and it feels so comfortable.

115. You go to bite into a hamburger at the finish line bar-b-q and get a cramp in your jaw.

116. You know your an ultra runner when you meet someone of the opposite sex on the trail of a 100 and all of conversation is about what color is your urine, can you drink and were you able to dump?

117. You know you're and ultra runner when a girl changes her tank and her bra in front of you and all you do is take another drink of water, look at your watch, get up and tell your pacer "Let's hit the trail."

118. When you try to determine which 100 mile race is more difficult.

119. You know you are an ultra runner when you read these posts and reply, "So, what's your point?"