Random musings and activities of a 30 something mom, potential sprint triathlete, vegetarian, dog and cat owner, and a evolving urban homesteader just trying to do the right thing in life for my daughter and the world around us. If the blog seems random, it's because life is and hits us all at 100mph.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006

PostHeaderIcon Random Thoughts on Being a Control Freak

originally posted on myspace.com on June 27, 2006

Ok, if you ever read any of my bulletins or remotely know me.... you know I've done a lot of crap in my life, and remarkably, regret very little of it. And even the stuff I regret, led me on the road to where I am today, and I love my life. I may not like every aspect of it, but I'm very content right now.

In retrospect, I'm glad I had Abby at 25, or I probably would have done something dumb and died before now. Anyway, I like who I am and glad for the experiences I had, because once you become a parent (if you're a good one at least), you can't keep up the same lifestyle. I am a better person for all those experiences.

For years, I was impulsive, but now (this shouldn't surprise any of my friends) the older I get, the less I like surprises. I like planning out the meals for the next two weeks, I like knowing what I'm going to wear next day, I like knowing a week ahead what's going on next weekend..... maybe that makes me boring and predictable, but I find comfort in this routine. I even enjoy the fact that in most circumstances and situations, I'm predictable. You may not like it, but you know where I'm coming from. I'm pretty transparent.

No matter how hard I try to map out my life, I know change is a way of life and life isn't always predictable. Right now, I'm struggling with a big one. People come and go in our lives, whether it be through job & life circumstances, life and death, or other reasons. Because of this, things become different (better or worse, I'm not sure), and I am learning to deal with that.

One thing I've come to realize, especially when dealing with death of someone, that if we do not remain fully present with that person... where are we? We are running nonstop, not physically, but from the fear of losing what is around us and everything that is chasing us that we can not escape. Even running from the fear of losing control. Even in our sleep, we exhaust ourselves, because we are running.

So, I think the important thing when we see the (inevitable) change in our lives, is not to be scared of it, but actually to embrace it.

I think our fears keep us from being happy. Happiness is an attitude and our notions of what happiness should be can be dangerous and actually prevent us from being happy. So, how can you be happy while watching someone slowly die? I truly believe in being present in the moment and realizing that the conditions for being happy are already present, you just have to realize it and stop trying to control/manage an uncontrollable situation.

What I said makes sense (at least to me), but putting it into practice is the hard part.

Maybe todays rambling is the result of too much coffee.... I'm sure this post only made sense to me, but it's the random thought for today......

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Quotes as I come across them......

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, an hour, a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it last forever.” ~~~Lance Armstrong

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." ~~~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

"I like running because it's a challenge. If you run hard, there's the pain----and you've got to work your way through the pain. You know, lately it seems all you hear is 'Don't overdo it' and 'Don't push yourself.' Well, I think that's a lot of bull. If you push the human body, it will respond." ~~~Bob Clarke, Philadelphia Flyers general manager, NHL Hall of Famer. (Will-Weber's "Voices From the Midpack" chapter.)

The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don’t define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them.~~~Denis Watley

Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not; it is the first lesson that ought to be learned; and however early a man's training begins, it is probably the last lesson that he learns thoroughly. ~~~Thomas H. Huxley (1825 - 1895)

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