SimplyComplexJen

I have so much to catch up on here, writing about the HTC relay, Abbys first day of school, and a variety of other happenings..... but today I just don't have it in me.

Yesterday marked the beginning of what could possibly be the worst year of my life. In fact, I know it is. That is saying a lot considering my life (some self-imposed, some not).

This time last year, Lisa's funeral was being planned, my grandfather's health was going downhill quickly, and Dad was making improvements in rehab (though this ended quickly too). Not to mention some personal snafus (financial and relationship) that I would like to forget.

In the 10 weeks following Lisa's death, I would have my heart broken, my grandfather passed away, a rift in the family formed that has not yet been repaired, and then my Dad passing away. Then the merry-fucking-holidays were around the corner.

(I can't believe I am about to admit this) I think back to the Christmas when bebe was young and I was living with her dad. I was huddled in the shower stall, the water already turned cold but I don't remember it being cold, begging him to take me to the ER. I knew if I came out of that shower, I wasn't sure how I'd find the will to live until morning (as course being the sensitive man he is told me to "get ahold of myself and get over whatever it is... thank God I realized how bebe would never forgive me). So many things seemed so wrong at the time....

That Christmas was the lowest point in my life in many years. The difference between then and last year? Those people I lost? When I came out of my "funk" or whatever you want to call it, they were there.

My grandfather always had some life lesson to share with me, always happy to see me. My dad while not always pleased with me, always made it clear I was welcomed home. 3 out of 4 Sundays, I went Home to see him. Lisa represents a group of friends that have been in my life about 12 years now.

I also can't forget my cousin who died 8 years ago on Labor Day weekend as well. Everyone loved Chris..... and it seemed even when he messed up, he could do no wrong in the family. I remember how jealous I was of him, and how much I looked up to him.

I think this is the part where I conclude with some deep statement on how this made me stronger.... I have nothing. I'm crying when I write this and maybe in a few years I can look back and have some deep insight on how 2006 affected my life and made me stronger and better. Right now, it's just as raw as it was last year.

I think the most appropriate conclusion is how we ended 2006 in toast on New Year's Eve with my little (who acts like my big - bless his heart) brother : "F '06"