SimplyComplexJen

Two different conversations has brought me to almost a stand still today.  I look at my paperwork, and I look at my to-do list, and I look at the things I'm saving my money for and all I can think about is:

What is the point?

Really?  We bust our asses working for a company that only very few of us believe in, but mostly it's a means to pay the mortgage and for private school.  One hundred years from now, will my great-great grandchildren really know or care that I saved up for a year to remodel my bathroom?

Does my short-term happiness in owning that (insert name of object here) matter to those who have nothing?  My future grandchildren?  The people of Haiti?

I'm finding it harder and harder have enjoyment in my home.  It's just things that mean nothing, but in some strange paradox are seemingly important at the time.

Around Christmas a co-worker told me about a morning radio show he was listening to where a family had lost everything (fire?) and people were calling in donations to help them have a decent Christmas for their kids.  One guy called in who was a sandwhich maker at Subway.  He probably makes $8 an hour and has his own money problems.  He gave $100.  I was told that story 6 weeks ago and can not get it out of my head.

The second incident that has brought me to a complete distraction today is the following:

PRESS RELEASE
LOCAL NEWS
IMMEDIATE RELEASE
January 25, 2010

Homeless Guests at Kansas City Rescue Mission
Collect Money for Haitian Relief
“Heart to Heart will receive a very sacrificial gift this week,” said Chaplain Joe Roberts.

Kansas City, Mo.—When homeless men at the Kansas City Rescue Mission, 1520 Cherry Street, learned of the tragedy in Haiti, many stepped up to offer what little they had during three evening chapel services late last week.

Their collection — a total of $132.42 — will be donated to Heart to Heart International’s Haiti Quake Response efforts.

“These men have no homes of their own. Many have no contact with their own families, have only the clothing on their backs and rely on KCRM for shelter, food, medical care and hope,” said Chaplain Joe Roberts. “Yet when they learned about the tragedy in Haiti, they gave very sacrificially to help folks who were suffering even more.”

Pete Brumbaugh, a spokesman for Heart to Heart International, said, “This disaster in Haiti has touched so many lives, including those who are finding hope at the Kansas City Rescue Mission. We are humbled by their gifts, which show us that everyone has something to give to this massive relief effort providing healing and hope to the survivors.”

To learn more, for interviews and photos, please contact Development Officer Julie Larocco at (816) 421-7643, ext. 41, (816) 699-3029 (cell) or jlarocco@kcrm.org.

Kansas City Rescue Mission is a Christ-centered community offering freedom and hope to the poor and homeless, empowering them to reach their full potential.

 Homeless men gave all they had to the victims of Haiti.  All.

I'm worrying about a bathroom remodel?  I'm going to go sit in my corner now and figure out how to make these feelings feed change.

If the Subway worker and a group of homeless men living in a shelter can give to those around them in that way.... no matter how much time, money, or donations I've given in my life up  until now.... NONE of it is even remotely enough.

People like to go to church on Sundays and raise their hands and talk about the love of Christ?  There you go.  Right there.  In real terms.

The question is : What am I going to do with this knowledge now?

I love this picture. To me, it represents the best moment of the Triathlon (well, the best two).

After the swim I struggled with, I was on my bike, struggling up a hill and struggling to keep my cramp at bay. About the time I was wondering why the hell I was keeping going, I get to the top of the hill and I hear, "GOOOOOOO MOMMMMMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" really loud.

My brother, future SIL, and my daughter were at this intersection. Fortuitously they were late and unable to enter the park and the Sheriff had stopped them at an intersection. The first intersection at the top of the first hill of my 12 mile ride.

It was meant to be.

At that moment, the race was no longer about protecting my ego and simply finishing to avoid the embarrassment of a DNF. Now, it became something much bigger and much more important. It was about showing my daughter the results of those workouts I had sacrificed some of my precious time with her for (as a single parent, I feel so much of our time is eaten away by "have tos"). I needed to show her that you don't quit.


This hug post race meant the world to me, and I'm so glad my friend captured this picture, because to me, it emodies the spirit of my race.

(if the moment on my bike was the best moment, finishing was the 2nd best!)

I'm not sure what to write here. When recapping this part of the Tri to a friend on Sunday, I ended up crying. It was not what I expected and while everyone keeps patting me on the back saying, "at least you finished", I'm not one to just finish, I want to excel at it.

But panic set in.

Then a cramp.

And unfortunately that set the tone for the rest of the day.


First, everyone was talking that the swim was 600m, not 500m. Still not sure if this is true, but still freaks a person out.

Another surprise is that it was a treading water start, which actually was ok with me. The treading for 2-3 minutes was a little more of a warm up. At race time, they announced the water was 82, but outside temps at 75. Perfect day really, especially for Kansas in mid-summer.

I did ok with the start, stayed towards the back and outside. Then it hit.
Pure panic.

I realized the water was so dark I couldn't see my hand when pulling under me.
I treaded water for an eternity (or approximately 60 seconds to the observers) trying to fight the urge to call it quits then. Luckily, my stubborn nature prevailed, and I started forward... with my head out of the water.

At this point, I'm swimming at the angle of a teeter totter with one person rather than flat. I am guessing this is what caused the best part of the swim.

The cramp. (insert doomsday music here)

About the 300m mark, I felt it. It was sudden. It was painful. As I wrote yesterday, my first reactions were: 1. yelling, "cramp" and 2. rolling on my back, float, with my knee pulled to my chest and try to keep my pain-induced obscenities to a indoor decibel level.

Another swimmer was also having trouble, and I told her after the race when we were the only 2 left in the water with 200 yards to go, that she was my inspiration to keep going.


Because if I had been alone out there, I would have quit I think. I hurt and the distance seem insurmountable to a beginner swimmer (I took lessons 5 months ago in Feb) who had never swam (swum? swimmed? stupid verb) more than 1000 yards in a session.

When I finally made it to the beach, there was a small run up the sandy hill and the cheer from the crowd was both awesome and embarrassing. I was happy for the support, but knew they were cheering because most probably thought I wouldn't finish.

I almost forgot to step on the mat for my chip timer. Thank you volunteers for yelling at me.

I almost forgot to put on my helmet before grabbing my bike I was so flustered. Thank you husband of woman near me who reminded me and also told me to slow down, take a Cliff shot, drink some water, and gather myself. You're awesome. I was flustered for being last out of the water and in pain. Can't believe I almost forgot to drink and get my helmet!

I hopped on my bike and the swim and T1 were finished. Tri 1 Jen 0.

Next time? I won't let a defeated attitude get me so early in the race.

Yes, I said next time! I'm not done with Triathlons yet!



Triathlon Mistake #1 of the Day:
Underestimating the open water swim. Why can't the water in a lake be as still clear as the indoor pool? Life would be easier. I still can't figure out why the murkiness caused such a panic. Maybe because I couldn't see the bottom? Any ideas?

Funny Triathlon Moment #1 of the Day:
Women who wore makeup for the tri, and obviously were not wearing waterproof mascara as the infamous racoon look proves later in the day.